


Milk In Tea (With a Spoonful of Honey)

by saiyuri_dahlia



Series: Milk and Tea [3]
Category: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Brief mention of homophobia, Cuddling & Snuggling, Intimacy, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Past Promiscuous Behavior, Past Purlo/Link, Past Relationship Anxieties, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Harassment, Unlucky in Love Link, fluff with a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 10:44:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21509779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saiyuri_dahlia/pseuds/saiyuri_dahlia
Summary: Crossing paths with an old fling leaves Link looking back on his old self and how far he's changed and reveals in what ways he still needs to heal.
Relationships: Link/Shad (Legend of Zelda)
Series: Milk and Tea [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1406437
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	Milk In Tea (With a Spoonful of Honey)

**Author's Note:**

> This took far longer than I expected, in part because it went in no less than three directions before I reached the path that I had actually wanted from the start. And then, well...real life decided to kick me throughout the entirety of October and with me working in retail and the holidays coming up, the next 2-3 months aren't gonna be much better.
> 
> I thank everyone for reading this mini-series and again for leaving kudos and comments on the previous pieces and hopefully on this one as well. This was a fun, little series to write and there's yet more ShadLink to come soon, hopefully sooner rather than later. As always, thanks for reading.

Story Title: Milk In Tea (With a Spoonful of Honey)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight Princess.

-o-

Story Title: Milk With Tea

-o-

In the break room, Link sat with his feet up waiting for a reply text from Shad. His relationship with Shad was already his most stable and loving, but it was officially the longest relationship he had ever had. He felt like he was dating his best friend. But that was how things were supposed to be, wasn't it? His happiness wasn't supposed to decline into constant frustration and doubt. It wasn't normal to question his partner's honesty all the time. He never realized until Shad that he was able to feel better after being around his boyfriend.

They still hadn't said "I love you" yet, though the feeling had certainly been conveyed in other ways several times over. Still Link wanted Shad to say it first because, well, none of his past boyfriends had ever said "I love you" first. And Link couldn't bear the thought of saying it and Shad pause for too long or not reply at all. Link didn't want to say "I love you" and get back a stunned, noncommittal "Yea" in return or for the conversation to take such a hard, sudden turn onto an another subject that Link swore that he could hear the brakes squealing and the wheels kicking up dirt in the other guy's head. Things were getting on too well between him and Shad and Link didn't want to break the illusion.

"Okay, tack on a bunch of kissy faces and clock back in," Ilia said as she entered the break room and headed to her locker. Link's fifteen minutes were up and it was her turn.

"You think twelve is too many?" Link joked.

"Why so brief?" Ilia said with a smile.

Link asked Ilia if she wanted to run around with him on Saturday after their sunrise shift together, and Ilia said yes. Link was looking for stuff to make either Twilight-era Zora armor or a large prop, like a King of the Red Lions boat, for his next video. Technically, his Champion's Tunic wasn't done yet, but he was considering the future.

Honestly, he hadn't expected for his Hero cosplay videos and pics to take off as much as they had. People seemed to like seeing him wander the woods and the countryside in full Hero garb and hearing him play his ocarina. He also did silly stuff, like mow lawns in costume, and reenacted rumors and stories told about each Hero. Like when he was back in Ordon and the family ranch was doing a controlled fire, Link stripped down to his boxers and ran around like a madman in celebration because the Hero of the Wild was rumored to have done the same.

The hero cosplay had been Shad's idea. He thought it would garner Link attention so he could build himself a fanbase that in turn would look at his original music, which was already strongly influenced by the tales of the Legendary Heroes. So far, Shad was right. People were digging it. Being a hot guy in a Hero's outfit didn't hurt either.

Link wished that Ilia had left him something to do while she was on break. He went around wiping down empty tables and asked their handful of customers if they needed anything but everyone just wanted not to be bothered by a bored barista.

Today had been a rough day. A rough, boring day. But this evening was going to be infinitely better. He just had an hour and a half and then things were going to start moving in a positive direction. It wasn't that long.

Back behind the counter, Link felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. It was Shad responding to his text. The bell above the door chimed while he was in the middle of typing. Link quickly slipped his phone into his apron pocket and looked up, ready to follow his script, until he saw the fellow approaching the counter. He was one of his exes, though Purlo had always claimed that they had never dated and had been just "conveniently sleeping with each other". That had been one reason out of many of why they had broken up.

"Well, lookie here, it's Country Bumpkin!" Purlo said loudly, drawing a lot of attention in the quiet, relaxed cafe. "How you been?"

Link gave a cringing smile as Purlo swaggered up to the register. He supposed it was mathematically possible for the two of them to cross paths again. He wished that they hadn't. Link was quite all right with Purlo being in his past and not presently in front of him.

Link put on his customer voice, "I'm all right. What can I get for you today?" Hopefully, Purlo was just going to get a coffee and leave. The Gods were not going to be kind to Link, however.

"Slow your pumpkin roll, Bumpkin," Purlo said, with a smug grin. "You don't have a line. Let's chat." He put a hand on the countertop and leaned forward and over the counter. Nothing set off warning alarms in Link's head like customers leaning over the counter—either they were after him or the register and Link wanted customers nowhere near both. Most of the time, people just wanted to see if he put their order in right, which was equally insulting on multiple fronts.

As per his job requirement, Link kept on smiling as he groaned a drawn-out swear in his head. Link wasn't good at chatting with customers to begin with. He was absolutely terrible at chatting with people he already had a bad history with and that he wished would go away like a bad stink.

"You still trying to be a DJ?" Purlo asked.

"No." Because he never was one.

"Smart," Purlo said. "You know where your money is."

Having no idea what he was referring to, Link furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Oh come on, don't give me that stupid look. You ain't telling me that this..." Purlo waved a finger around in a wide circle to indicate the cafe. "...Keeps you afloat. You'd have to be here twenty-four seven and your annual would still be shit."

Link wanted to ask what was it to him what his job was or how much he made but he didn't. Purlo was friendly now but he was petty and vindictive. He would turn on him immediately if it served him better. Purlo's fair good looks and fake charm hid his rotten inner self. Link just wished he had seen that side of him sooner. It was better for Link if he played nice and let Purlo ramble on.

"I get it. You're at the day job and you don't discuss your other work."

Link still had no idea what in Hylia's name he was talking about. Purlo was even weirder than he remembered.

Eventually, Purlo ordered a large iced coffee with extra ice and asked it to be made the way he liked it while going on about all his successes after he had left Hyrule altogether. Mostly he had been an emcee, announcing live shows in bars and local wresting rings, but he had been the lead in a handful of obscure foreign films during his travels. (If any of it was true, good for him, but having seen Purlo's acting chops, Link doubted his acting roles were anything more than bit parts.)

Going about completing his simple order, Link was glad to finally have an excuse to walk away from Purlo, even for just a little while. Keeping up his obligatory smile, Link quickly checked the clock to see how much time was left before Ilia was back and he could leave the front to her. He killed a groan in his throat as he saw that she still had six minutes left. Hopefully, Purlo nearly had his fill of bragging about how much better his life was now compared to Link's. He was bragging as if Link had been the one that had made his life miserable during their short relationship that didn't happen.

Five minutes with Purlo had passed and Link was already tired of his nonsense.

"Hey, I'm in town for a bit, so how about you and I hang out? Tonight. It'll be like old times," Purlo said and then muttered not enough under his breath, "...Not like you have anything better to do."

Link could have sworn that Purlo had been charming and charismatic back when they had first met. If he hadn't been, then Link had no idea why he had put up with Purlo for two weeks. It hadn't been the sex. No, it definitely hadn't been the sex.

"I can't. Sorry. Between work and school, I really don't get a lot of free time," Link said, as he poured coffee into a half-full cup of ice water. Purlo liked his coffee cold and watered down. Basically he liked ice water with a hint of coffee. It was absolutely disgusting.

"Really, you're that popular?" Purlo said, as he scrunched his mouth as if he tasted something unpleasant. Rejection surely wasn't a sweet taste. "Can't even spare thirty minutes for your old pal... Are you that booked up that you can't squeeze me in?"

"It was nice to see you again," Link lied to be polite. He hoped that with his use of past tense that Purlo was going to get the hint and wrap things up.

Purlo stared back at Link and ran his tongue behind one of his canines as he thought. Purlo had been so sure that being with him tonight was going to be the highlight of Link's pitiful, penniless life that he had never considered that he might decline his offer or that he might not have any desire to relive their "old times", which Link was positive was just a discreet way of asking him to have sex with him again. If not, then Purlo remembered their old times a lot differently than Link did.

Getting the hint that his plans were foiled, Purlo chuckled humorlessly. His smile was unkind. "Well, not everyone is cut out to be a star, Bumpkin," he said, bitterness sliding into his voice. "You couldn't make it in the music industry so you fell back on the one thing you're actually good at. There's no shame in that."

Link had no idea what he was going on about and he wasn't sure that he wanted to. He shook his head no. "I don't think we're talking about the same thing."

"We are, though," Purlo insisted, finding Link's confusion wickedly amusing. "You're actually charging guys now, right? Or is your ass still a non-profit charity?"

Not knowing how to respond to that, Link stood with his eyes wide and his mouth agape. Shameful heat rose to his face. A few overhearing customers peered up from their distractions and watched the drama unfold. "That's not me anymore," he finally said, his voice lowered. "I have a boyfriend."

Purlo snorted derisively. "Does he know? I mean, _really_ know? Who you've done. What you've done. Again, for free." He shook his head and sighed as if he found himself clever and funny. "Oh Hylia… A dumb country bumpkin twink came to the city and didn't even know to charge his tricks. I bet you make a killing now though. You do have the skills to pay the bills."

Link was still holding Purlo's drink. He had squeezed the cup so tightly that the plastic lid had popped off and the icy liquid inside floated tenuously atop the rim. He wanted to say something, anything, everything. But he couldn't. One thing about being behind the register was that Link had to take shit with a smile—something that Purlo knew he had to do. But oh, he was mad. Barista jobs were a dime a dozen to come by, weren't they? He was going to miss working with Ilia and her family, though. They were his family too.

"Then again, you were smart enough to find one rich idiot to take care of you, so maybe—" Purlo suddenly shut up as Link pushed a blue rupee he had fished out of his pocket toward him.

"Here, your refund," Link growled. He wasn't able to open his register without Ilia's override, but he was fine with paying Purlo out of his pocket. "Now, please leave."

Link wanted to toss Purlo's drink right back into his smug face, but he didn't—he poured it into the dirty mop water instead. Even with cold coffee, throwing his drink at him was still an assault, and Purlo wasn't worth losing his job or damaging the coffee shop's reputation over. Even if it would feel so amazing. But this was within his power. This he was able to do with less repercussion.

Purlo didn't know what to think. He managed to sputter out, "...My coffee!"

"I've given you a refund." Actually, Purlo had received more than a refund, but Link didn't care enough to make exact change. Purlo could have the extra rupees. "But I refuse to serve you."

Purlo dropped all pretense of being nice and friendly as he got in Link's face and said in an acidic voice, "I want a coffee. You have to take my order. It's your _fucking_ job."

"Then I suggest Rupour's on Second," Link calmly replied.

"Get me my coffee, you—"

"We'd be happy to make you one. For free," Ilia said, returning from her break. Link figured that she was just trying to defuse the situation, which was why he kept his mouth shut and didn't explain what had happened—what mattered to her was making the customer happy and getting him on his way. And then Link noticed the tension in her smile. "Then you're leaving and you're banned from returning."

Purlo sneered in disbelief. "You don't have the authority to do that."

"Yea, I do." And Ilia did. "You're not getting away with talking to our employees like that."

Purlo tried to play the victim by claiming that Link had stolen his money and tossed out his drink for no reason, but Ilia shot that gambit down real quick by reminding Purlo that he had already been refunded and Link's actions were in response to his vulgar comments and harassment. She also revealed that she had recorded the whole exchange from the hall.

"Either my father or the police will remove you. Whether you leave with dignity is up to you." There was a sternness in her chipper tone that assured that she would be more than happy to see to it that he left their coffee shop and the shopping plaza a noted public disgrace.

Purlo was a jerk, but he was also a coward. In the face of facing consequences and actual authority, Purlo always chose to duck and run.

"I don't want either of you serving me your terrible coffee," Purlo said, grimacing. Link was pretty sure that Purlo didn't know what good coffee tasted like. "Hope this place folds up," he muttered on his way out.

Ilia told Link to take five minutes to cool his head, but Link said he was fine. He did agree to dump the dirty mop water out. It had needed to be changed anyway.

"Just one thing," Ilia said, as normalcy steadily returned to the coffee house. It was going to be time for the next afternoon rush soon. "Why him? What about him made you think he was worthy of your time?"

"I was going through some things..." Link said and left it at that.

"Clearly," Ilia teased and Link, a little taken aback by her playful dig, looked over at her, and saw her tiny, growing smile. He couldn't help but smile back and shake his head.

-o-

Fresh from the shower, Link had hoped that the hot water would clean all of his work day off of him, but only his body felt refreshed. His mind kept thinking about all the things Purlo had said. About how he used to "give it all away for free" and all his insinuations that he was a gay prostitute. Because, putting aside the obvious intended hurt, Purlo wasn't completely wrong. There was a tiny grain of truth. Sex and his good looks had always been his immediate foundation for all his previous relationships. Before he had met Shad, those had been the only things Link had thought he had to work with, because those had been the only things the guys he had met had been interested in.

Link was not about to deny that he had been young and dumb. (He was still a bit of both.) He was from a small town in Ordona Province, the kind of place where the only Johns that came out of closets were long-johns. Link hardly dated in high school because it was safer not to tread that minefield. Thank the Goddesses that Ilia hadn't minded to pretend to be his girlfriend whenever he had needed her. He had messed around with one of the other young farmhands, but they had not been interested in the other romantically—they were just each other's only option to explore their feelings while being confident that they weren't going to out the other under pressure.

However, once Link had left home for college and found himself free and surrounded by an actual gay community, Link found himself inundated with attention and completely unprepared to navigate the social waters. Link's social skills were never the greatest to begin with, and he was absolutely terrible at flirting. So at first he had followed the other guy's lead and went with whatever they had wanted or suggested, being too naive to know that not all guys were looking for love when they approached a nineteen-year-old Ordonian boy with a body built like a plow-horse and a smile as innocent as a puppy's, but Link hadn't known any better. He was just a country bumpkin, after all.

Boxers on, Link sat on the side of his bed and looked around at the energy drink stack on the nightstand, the computer parts left out in his workspace, and the clothes and unmatched socks strung about his floor. His apartment wasn't dirty, but it definitely needed a quick pickup before Shad arrived. After he checked the time Shad had said he should be there by, Link laid his phone on his bed. His eyes lingered heavily on the cluster of dating and hookup apps he had used to frequent. He wondered why there were all still there, why he hadn't deleted them off his phone after all these months with Shad. All of his accounts were still active. Single male seeking any single male to make him feel loved and wanted if even for a few fleeting moments. Just a warm, masculine body next to his.

In retrospect, Link guessed that all of his post-breakup binges were some misguided revenge against an ex that didn't care about him in the first place. It never mattered to any of them if Link was already sleeping with another guy not twenty-four hours after their breakup. That another guy just became another guy an hour later and then yet another guy another hour after that, the binge continuing until Link didn't have anything left in him to arrange another hookup and he had to finally deal with being alone again.

He picked his phone back up and signed into one of the apps. He wasn't shocked to see that he had tons of messages and notifications. He started scrolling through each one and recognized profile pics and usernames of guys he had slept with one after another. They were all trying to charm their way into sleeping with him again. The new fellas weren't any different, each tossing out the same friendly greeting one-liner and then baiting him with compliments to see if he would bite their hook. On a site like this, guys were rarely looking for new friends—any sweetness a guy showed him had obvious intentions.

And then there were the vulgar messages, those being just as frequent, if not more so, as the friendly hellos. Link quickly scrolled past truncated preview blurbs of lengthy messages describing what they wanted to do to him and where. Some guys simply wanted more pics or videos with specific demands. Another group didn't even bother with typing words and just sent him a dick pic or a video of themselves jerking off.

Sadly, Link intimately knew that there was a time not long ago in between his attempts to have a serious relationship that his evenings would consist of him reading and answering messages, looking at pics, and watching their videos, and by the time he went to sleep, he would have anywhere between ten or twenty guys lined up for the week, with five more in reserve he could meet at a moment's notice.

Link's own pics didn't make him feel any better. They weren't lewd, just highly suggestive. They were nearly all thirst pics, so it was no wonder why his inbox was crammed with dirty messages. His album was a visual time-lapse chronicling his four-year descent into madness away from the naive country lad looking for love into the jaded fairy boy, posing only in booty shorts from a sexy Postman costume with his glossed lips puckered to his phone camera, trying desperately too hard to be appealing to someone, anyone, and everyone.

Looking at his past self at his lowest made Link very uncomfortable. But he pitied himself too. He wished that he was able to go back and tell himself that there was no need to put on this sexy charade and that soon he was going to meet a man that was going to be kind and supportive and that he could trust with all his heart.

Everything would have been easier if Link had met Shad first. If only they had crossed paths on campus on his first day or if they had shared one class… If only Shad had stopped by the coffee shop sooner, a hell of a lot of hurt to Link's head and heart could have been prevented.

It was easy to count all the ways things could have been different if only such-and-such had occurred instead. It was harder to accept the past for what it was and make the choice to move on. Link was never going to deny the fact that he had an exceptionally long list of sexual partners, that promiscuous was once an apt description for him, or that he had even been paid by some of his hookups. Those were all true, but they did not make up everything he was.

Link was a talented musician working his way through college at a coffee shop alongside his closest friend. He was a good student, but he was better with crafts, and he loved animals and kids. He was funny and sweet, and he had an amazing smile. And he was loved.

Link closed his account and deleted the app, repeating the process for all his other dating and hookup apps. There was no use in holding onto them anymore. He didn't need them.

Seeing what time it was and realizing that Shad was going to be here any moment, Link tossed on a pair of jeans and a Marin + the Seagulls T-shirt and blew around like a gust bellows tidying up his place. As long as he got the trash in the bin and his clothes in the hamper, everything would look a heck of a lot better. Less than ten minutes later, Link got a text from Shad that he was outside.

His heart was already all aflutter in his chest as Link headed to his door. The two of them had been so busy of lately that they had only been able to go on a short date once last week. Tonight, Shad was going to stay over. Link barely had the door open and said hello before he had an arm around Shad and hugged him. Texting and calling were all well and good, but Link missed being close to him. He didn't want to let go, but he wanted Shad in his apartment more.

Shad was carrying a gallon of milk by the handle wrapped in a plastic bag. "What's with the milk?" Link asked.

"You always need milk, old boy," Shad said. "You're the only person I know that can buy milk in the afternoon and need another gallon that evening." And Shad was not exaggerating.

"You didn't have to get that." Link appreciated the thought though.

"Some guys bring flowers. Others wine. I bring milk," Shad said, as he closed the refrigerator door.

"That's why you're the best," Link said, grinning. He was vibrating with excitement as he closed the distance between them. After all, there was no need to wait or no screens between them. No matter how advanced phones became, nothing was ever going to beat being face-to-face and holding your partner close. Shad pulled Link into a loose hug and into a string of short kisses.

His kisses were warm and comforting. Closest sensation that he could compare it to was the experience of putting on a beloved sweater on a chill, autumn morning for a day of peace and joy at home. Link's stomach fluttered as it pressed against Shad's. He was happy to be in Shad's arms after a week's absence. It felt like there was a ball of liquid sunlight in his chest. Link always pictured it as some honey-colored lava lamp goop that slowly rose from his belly and floated around, spreading love throughout his body. Link flicked his tongue against Shad's lips. Neither one could keep from smiling. Link missed this. Shad had too.

For the good of their lungs, Shad pulled away, though he did not step away from Link. Shad gazed reverently into his eyes. "It's so good to see you, my dear." Oh Goddesses, those cheekbones, that smile, his freckles… Link never thought that he was going to love a guy so much that he would find his freckles attractive.

"I like your shirt." Now that he was up close, Link could see that Shad's shirt was dotted with cute, happy turtles. "It's smart and adorable. Like you."

"Really? I was just hoping I didn't look silly," Shad said, his eyes widened. A blush rose on his cheeks. "...I bought it because it reminded me of you. Fun and bright."

Though Link certainly would not have minded if they had kept on making out in the middle of his kitchen, Link and Shad moved to the sofa. Not to start making out there but to talk, to check in with each other and find out what each had been doing in the other's absence. Link had left the television on for background noise earlier. Some sort of cooking competition was playing, but the sound was too low to hear.

"How was work today?" Shad asked. It was a perfectly normal, expected question that Link did not want to answer in the slightest. If he had just phrased the question a bit more open-ended, Link could have avoided discussing his day at work.

"Okay," Link replied, much too quickly and much too cheerfully. He should have just stuck his tongue in his mouth and kept at it. Shad would've gone along eventually.

There was a look in Shad's eyes that read that he sensed something was up from his response. "That's...good," he said, nodding his head. "It's just that I received a text from Ilia earlier and I was curious as to what had necessitated it."

"What did she say?" Link asked innocently. As if he had no idea what Ilia could have texted him about.

"That today has been a rough day for you so I should give you extra affection tonight," Shad said. "Specifically she sent me a big paragraph of kissing face emoji."

Link laughed, trying to downplay matters as much as possible. "Oh, we were joking about text walls of emoji on my break. She's just being goofy."

"I see," Shad said. "Did something happen at work though? Do you want to talk about it?"

Link put on a sweet smile. "It's not that big a deal—"

"So something _did_ happen."

Link wanted to kick himself for not being more careful with his words.

Shad was wonderfully perceptive about matters and Link's feelings. At this moment, Link wished he wasn't so keen. Tension stiffened his jaw. "It's over and done with," Link insisted, looking away. "I don't wanna talk about it. I just want to move on."

"It sounds to me that what occurred was rather serious and would benefit from a bit of discussion, old boy. You should vent. It's healthy."

"So are kale and push-ups." Link didn't mean for his words to sound so sarcastic but they were. His caustic reaction only drew more concern from Shad. It wasn't as if Link wanted to keep Purlo's visit a secret, he just didn't want to think about it again. Purlo was in the past and that was where he belonged. Him and all his hurtful words.

"If I'm overstepping, I won't pressure you any further," Shad said, resting a hand on Link's thigh. "...But I would like to know the gist of what had happened in time."

Shad knew that Link had been with a lot of guys, but Shad had neither asked nor had Link ever given him a number of how many guys he had ever been with. Shad didn't know about the post-breakup binges or the dating/hookup apps. He had never seen Link's pictures. If he told Shad what Purlo had said, then he might want to know more details. Things Link didn't want to discuss. And others he didn't want to relive. By now, Link knew the exact number of hookups it took to go from just having an active sex life to slut-shaming, and he was well past the latter at this point. Link didn't want to give him a number and then see Shad wrinkle his nose in disgust and look as if he wanted to shower in hand sanitizer. The ghosts from his past weren't going to muck up the good thing he had going with Shad.

"It's really not that—" Link didn't finish the rest of his sentence. He was going to say that it really wasn't that important, but he knew that Shad was just going to say that it was, especially since Link had an aversion to simply coming out with it. Link never had a problem with being open and honest without reasons.

Shad patiently waited for an answer. He rubbed his thumb across Link's thigh as a small reassurance that he was there and that it was all going to be okay. The feeling was both wonderful and disappointingly inadequate. It was like being thirsty in the middle of the night and the only drink in his reach didn't have enough of a drop left in it to wet his lips. Link wanted to go back to kissing. It still wasn't enough for him but it was more than this.

Tonight, Link just wanted to be with Shad. He just wanted everything to be right in his world again, and right now Link wanted the brush of Shad's lips, his hands and mouth exploring his body, and the entire weight of his body pressing down on him. Link ached for warmth and intimacy. They had been separated for too long.

"Follow me," Link said, taking hold of Shad's wrist and leading him the short distance to his bedroom.

Shad didn't ask any questions but the look on his face was puzzled by Link's urgency.

"I need to be close to you," he explained, as he stopped them by his bed. He untucked Shad's shirt and told him to take it off.

"Of course," Shad replied, as he unbuttoned his shirt. Shad knew what Link meant and what they were doing. He understood that this was not sexual and that it was not going to lead to sex. He understood that this was something that Link needed from him, something that was as essential to their relationship as open, honest communication. Most of his exes didn't understand and had never listened. For years, Link never got what he needed, not fully. Their focus was never on him.

Link stripped back down to his boxers while Shad only removed his shirt. It was all he needed to take off for this to work. Link laid down on the bed, settled in, and exhaled a breath that he didn't realize that he had been holding.

And then Shad crawled onto the bed, creaking and popping as it yielded to Shad's weight, until he was straddling Link's hips. The clock by Link's bed read seven minutes after six. It was evening, but the deep golden rays of twilight were more than an hour away. Soft evening sunlight slipped in from the half-opened blinds and lit the two of them and the room in muted light and gentle shadows.

Shad waited until Link gave him permission to continue. When Link nodded to go ahead, Shad removed his glasses and set them on the nightstand and then laid himself over Link. He buried his face into his pillow, finding himself an air pocket in the space between the pillow and the curve of Link's neck, and held Link as completely and closely as the size and shape of his body allowed him.

Link had closed his eyes and uttered a pleased sigh as Shad had lowered himself on top of him. Shad was warm. His body heat sent tingles across his skin from the moment their bodies made contact. Link was completely pinned against the bed under Shad's full weight. With his arms flattened against his sides, all Link was able to do was ineffectually flop his legs around. It was hard for Link to breathe. Shad didn't have as much trouble, his breaths measured and warm against Link's neck.

All this inescapable body heat and deep pressure and skin-to-skin contact—this was everything Link wanted. It didn't matter to him that he wasn't able to take a full breath or whether parts of him went numb or ached the longer he had Shad lay on him. Link enjoyed the pressure. He loved the sensation of being blanketed by another person. It made him feel safe and protected.

Shad knew what to do and what Link wanted. Shad did not speak. Shad minimized his movements. He understood that what Link wanted was to be close to him right now and nothing more. All of this was solely for Link's well-being. Shad never tried to sweet-talk him into having sex or called him crazy for not jumping to sex the first moment they were alone together again. He never tried to convince Link to push aside whatever unattended needs and emotions him was dealing with in order to get him to perform on him. Link didn't have to uncomfortably pretend to be some happy, sexy flirt to get what he wanted from Shad. Link asked to be held and Shad held him. It was as simple as that.

Warm exhales. Beating hearts. Link's mind drifted away, like a paper boat on a lazy river, as he glided his hands across Shad's upper back and shoulder blades and up his neck. Something on Shad smelled woodsy and brought Link to his favorite places back home—the forests he used to wander from dawn to dusk, the kudzu vines towers that Link was still convinced housed otherworldly creatures from another age, and the deep thicket where the fairy spring that fed all the creeks was located. They were all places he loved and places he felt like he belonged.

Link wanted more contact. He wanted to be even closer to Shad. He closed his legs and clinched his thighs around Shad's waist. The seat of Shad's pants pressed against Link's boxers, and the friction caused their privates to react a bit to the stimulation, but this was not about satiating that kind of skin hunger. Later, they would, yes, but not right now. No, Link needed to be made whole again first.

Link crossed his ankles, held onto Shad's shoulders, and clung to him. Even though he knew that he was already bone-achingly close, he wished that he could be even closer. Link was squeezed so tightly he was barely able to gasp, and tears welled in his eyes, but he did not mind one bit.

Only because his lungs burned for new air, Link signaled to Shad to ease off. Slowly, Link unclenched his body and sunk back against the bed. He dropped his legs open. It felt good to let his chest expand and take in full breaths again. That first lungful after Shad had lifted off of him felt like his soul rushing back into his body.

"How do you feel, old boy?" Shad asked. He had propped himself up with his arms. Now that the sun was setting, there was more shadow than light throughout the room, but the gold and amber twilight cut through the blinds.

Link grinned. "Cared for."

Shad softly chuckled at his reply. "Well, you're always that." Shad leaned down as Link raised his head and their lips met. This, this he wanted too, because Link loved to be touched—little or a lot, any and every way—and Shad was happy to oblige him.

A tiny lick across his bottom lip. A few gentle suckles on his chin. Link turned his head and stretched his neck to give Shad more access. He uttered soft _ahs_ as Shad made tiny nips and licks to his throat and on down to his collarbone. Link knew that if he let Shad go on, this really would turn sexual and Link wasn't ready to let this result in sex yet. His exes used to push him into having sex as soon as his need to be close was fulfilled. They thought it was a fetish of some sort. Link didn't want to be reminded of that.

As Shad brushed his lips across Link's collarbone to his shoulders, Link knew that Shad wasn't thinking about what he was going to get in return. This wasn't a trade-off, no "I did the thing you wanted, now you have to give me mine". If anything, Shad was still doing this for Link's sake more than his own. Because Link loved to be touched and, whether he had to use his hands, mouth, or his whole body, by golly, Shad was going to tease, tempt, and titillate every inch of his skin. He was going to drown him in love until Link fell asleep in his arms a tired, happy boyfriend.

As wonderful as all of that sounded and despite wanting Shad to go on, Link had to stop him. Maybe, one day, what his exes did wasn't going to matter to him and that there wasn't going to be a whisper of doubt in his head that Shad's affection was entirely conditional.

Link couldn't just tell Shad to stop though. He was going to spend the rest of the night ruminating over what he had done wrong if Link just suddenly told him to quit. He knew of one thing that was going to get his attention, however.

"One of my exes came into work," Link said. "Some things he said to me stuck with me."

Sure enough, Shad paused his oral admiration of Link's every dip and curve and peered up. "Oh?"

The pause was more needed than Link had realized it was, his thoughts were getting too heady and his body too difficult to ignore. "...Does it ever bother you that I've been with a lot of guys?" Link wasn't able to look into Shad's eyes, wide with curiosity. Link tossed his gaze to the ceiling.

"Not at all," Shad said, with a tiny laugh in disbelief that Link had thought that he was going to be bothered in the first place. "I'm not as pure as the first snow in those regards either, my dear."

"Yea, but I've been with _a lot_ more." Not even Link knew how many exactly, but it was enough that there was a chance that he and Shad could stop into a bar for drinks one evening and Link could have slept with every guy in the room. It was a small probability, mostly unlikely, but it was more likely to happen than say, him running into Purlo again, and Link had already lost that game of chance.

"You've also consumed far more bowls of Choctorok cereal than I have," Shad said. "And as far as I'm concerned the exact total of both bears the same matter of importance to me."

So in other words, Shad didn't care about how many guys he had been with. "You don't ever wonder..." Link couldn't finish the rest of his sentence.

"You told me everything I wanted to know," he said. "This you is all I've ever known and it's all I will know. I don't need to think about how many guys you've been with. I'm with you now. If I did think about how you used to be, all I would think about is how I wish I could have met you sooner."

But it seemed that all of Link's worrying was unfounded. It didn't matter to him. Even if Link told him the exact number, it did not matter.

Shad planted a long kiss on his forehead and then sat back up. Link wasn't ready to have Shad out of his reach. He wasn't sure if he was ever ready to have Shad out of his reach. Shad gazed down and smiled, his expression as soft as the last of the fading twilight glow. "You're doing so much better, made so much progress, and I'm so happy for you. But there's still a part of you that's waiting for the illusion in the bubble to burst. But there is no illusion. I love you, old boy."

And he meant it. And Shad was right. There was a part of Link that was worried that he'd wake up to discover that Shad was just a dream his lonely heart had conjured up after another rough shift. Time and more talking was going to be the key to silencing that tiny, persisting voice that even now grumbled that he didn't deserve Shad.

He did though. Link had never asked for much, but Shad was everything he wanted.

Of course, Link told Shad that he loved him too. "You have no idea how much that means to me to hear you say that," Link said, feeling a wash of emotions, all of them good. If it wasn't for the fact that he was laying on his back, he was sure that his eyes would be a bit misty.

"I know that you needed to hear it sooner. You should have heard it," Shad said.

All of those good emotions and the absence of the bad culminated in a tide of "Oh Goddesses, I love you so much..." And Link lay, shivering, unable to express how fiercely he loved him. He couldn't find the words, didn't know if the right ones existed. He was certain that if he tried to tell him, all he'd be able to voice was only going to come out as a guttural growl.

Link wanted to be crushed underneath Shad again, to be held so tightly he was barely able to breathe again. He couldn't hide the evidence that he was getting turned on.

Scooting out from underneath him just a bit, Link sat up and wrapped his arms around Shad, who was now in his lap, and buried his face in the pit of his chest. The closeness, the sense of belonging, the smell of home, and a warm, masculine body to hold and love him now and forever—Link was never more happier.


End file.
